The Way

A young and rather boastful champion challenged a Zen master who was renowned for his skill as an archer. The young man demonstrated remarkable technical proficiency when he hit a distant bull's eye on his first try, and then split that arrow with his second shot.

"There," he said to the old man, "see if you can match that!"

Undisturbed, the master did not draw his bow, but rather motioned for the young archer to follow him up the mountain. Curious about the old fellow's intentions, the champion followed him high into the mountain until they reached a deep chasm spanned by a rather flimsy and shaky log.

Calmly stepping out onto the middle of the unsteady and certainly perilous bridge, the old master picked a far away tree as a target, drew his bow, and fired a clean, direct hit.

"Now it is your turn," he said as he gracefully stepped back onto the safe ground.

Staring with terror into the seemingly bottomless and beckoning abyss, the young man could not force himself to step out onto the log, much less shoot at a target.

"You have much skill with your bow," the master said, sensing his challenger's predicament, "but you have little skill with the mind that lets loose the shot."

There is a lesson int his for all of us - especially my fellow warriors.

Koolau: The Leper

Koolau: The Leper by Jack London
I first read this story when I was ten or eleven years old. I had bought a bulk package of comics, and in there was one from a publisher I had never heard of fore or since, it was the entire story, exactly as London wrote it, published in a comic-book like format, but without the "text bubbles" for characters, blocks of text and illustrations - complete text of the story. I fell in love with it immediately.
I've long since lost the comic, but I read the story again tonight for the first time in several years, and it stirred something within me, as always, and brought out a realization.

I believe, strongly, in freedom. I will kill, and I will die, before I become no longer a free-man. I believe in all freedom, from freedom of the press and freedom of expression, to sexual, emotional, and theological freedom. But I believe strongly that, at that hard cold place that is the last barrier between freedom and tyranny and opression, there is one freedom above all that protects all free men, women and children, and all the freedoms they hold dear - the freedom to be armed, and to defend ourselves.
Yes, for me, guns and freedom are very closely tied. I do not believe in freedom without arms, because what kind of freedom is it where you cannot guarantee your own safety, and where you have no final recourse to tyranny?
I realized tonight that it was the story of Koolau The Leper that taught me that lesson - that opened my eyes to that bit of "common" sense.

And if you disagree with me - thats fine - you are FREE to do so. But dont ever, ever, forget how those freedoms were won, how they have been protected since and how they always have been. And dont lie to yourself about the truth of that matter - you cannot shuck the truth that freedom, and the animating contest thereof, often has a great price, and still demand freedom. It is not free.
But it is worth it. It is worth any price.

I will die a free man - that is my vow, my pledge, my oath. Damn you if you try to stop me.

Emergency Medical Technician - Basic... not yet

If anyone who knows me is reading this, they know I have been going for my EMT-B license for awhile now.My State Licensing test site was this past weekend. The way it works is you have two Practical tests, scenarios with "actors" playing roles as patients, all the real equipment and the proper dummies etc. for intubation, injection and so on, one Medical (complaints such as heart attack, stroke, diabetic emergency, etc.) and one Trauma (injuries, such as gun shot wound, hit by a bus, etc.). Then you have a written test.Right off the bat I failed my Medical scenario - and I knew exactly what I did wrong, as soon as I was out the door. The patient would have died under my care; she was crashing when I gave it up as a complete waste of the proctor’s time for me to continue fucking around.I went straight into the Trauma scenario, and I am feeling pretty confident about that one. It was a GSW to the left thigh, no exit wound. Was a little slow in treating the wound, but I followed my ABC (Airway, Breathing, Circulation) chain to a T. I feel I should have slapped a gloved hand over the wound (or indicated I was having an imaginary partner do it) earlier though, instead of doing it while getting the dressing out. But, long story short, I got it done - got the wound treated, got the patient in MAST pants as indicated by wound and transport time, and kept running vitals on her, going into secondary survey. I feel confident about that one - could have done better, a lot better, but I also feel I successfully treated the patient without wasting too much time or causing any further harm.The written test... well, honestly, I have no clue how I did on it. It is a 125-question test, on which you must score a 70 or better to pass. That means you can miss 37 questions. Did I? I dont know, lost count. I didnt feel as positive as I would have liked about everything I answered, but I am feeling hopeful about the overall result. It is a horribly written test, this states, and the bad use of the English language (and bad spelling of it) contributes greatly to the uncertainty of a great deal of the questions and answer choices. If I failed it, it wont be entirely my fault. Although I must admit, I will be a little surprised if I did fail. Will know for sure when my results get in.Lessons learned from the whole experience. I think the number one thing I took away from it though was the value of Scenario based training in the instructional setting.As it turns out my EMT-B instructor was a fucking lame about scenarios. Several of my classmates were at this test site, in fact I rode out there with one and he ended up talking with some members of another class, from the same school, at the same time as our class, but with a different instructor (who is, incidentally, the program director for the entire EMS program at this institution). These students told my classmate that they were put through Eighteen (18) individual scenarios apiece.We, my classmates any myself, were put through a grand total of six. Two practice, four graded. We were promised more, but we had to wait for our instructors friends who were proctoring these scenarios to show up, and then for him to shoot the shit with them, and then for him to set up each testing station, so in the end the days were at the very least half wasted by the time we actually got to scenarios. He was a fucking lame about scenarios, completely.And that hurt us. I know for a fact it hurt me, and my classmate who failed the same scenario I did is sure it hurt him, and all of our fellow classmates seemed to feel fairly uncertain or unhappy with their performances in scenarios – so I would vouch that it hurt all of us. Simply, we were not ready. We were very nervous about scenarios, about working with a live and responsive “patient” in a situation where we were being graded. On paper, its all great, but when you have a disoriented, scared, and dying old woman on your hands who you are getting practically nothing from but the same repeated questions, and lots of fear, things change – and unless you are ready for that, you are gonna blow it. Just like I did.What that means for the real world is beyond equally bad – it is ten times as bad or more. If you blow a scenario, because the patients actions are out of your scope of expectation and your frame of reference from your academic (and ONLY) EMS experiences, then you will blow it in real life too, when someone’s life may very well depend on you being able to handle the fact that they have gone bat-shit fucking nuts due to irregular glucose/insulin levels in their body, and still do your job.Scenario training is where its at – trust your students to read the book on their own (having a good book helps – Mosby’s EMT textbooks are highly recommended, not the shit we had) and spend less time on lecture, definitely less time on bullshitting and telling war-stories, and more time on scenario practice and scenario testing. When you are having scenario training days, be ready when the students get there – have all your people there, all your stations set up and all your equipment ready to go, and pound them out all damn day long. Don’t fuck around waiting for people, setting things up and getting shit put together – have them there, have it up, have it together at 8 AM when that first student strolls through the door.Students, demand this of your instructors – instructors, demand this of yourselves.Anything less is preparing people to fail.

On Death and Killing

People are so damn funny about death.
They treat death as if it were negative, a bad thing. They are fearful of it, for their own selves, and the idea of dying, the death of another, bothers them extremely. They have an almost violent reaction to it, like they put their hand into a fire, pulling back and staring in shock and horror when it even comes up.
So much fear, so much stupidity, so much ignorance.
I have never felt death was a bad thing. Life is death. Death is the only guarantee once you are born. Everything else is luck, fortune or possibly fate - but the only rock solid guarantee is death, and thats not a bad thing. It is an integral part of the whole package, it is normal. There is nothing wrong with death, and nothing to fear. Fearing it is like fearing life itself, or the oxygen around us - its stupid, and silly. Infact if you were fearful of the air you breathe or life itself, most would probably suggest you were in need of emotional/psychological counseling for a disorder. But fearing death is looked at as normal. How odd we are.
It wasnt until I fell in love for the first time that I was afraid of dying, and then it was the idea of leaving behind my love, alone and mourning me, that was very hard. I will say that it is easier to look death in the eye without attachment. Still, I am not afraid of death like everyone else. Death itself I do not fear, I am ready for it - when it comes, it will come, and its not a bad thing.
Killing, as an extension of the "Death" idea, seems to bother people even more.
I have an intense respect for life, all life, and I feel the need to preserve life to a great extent, but on the same token I feel that killing is, simply, one of those things that must be done.
Every animal kills to survive, it kills something - plant or fellow animal. Its the basic cycle of life. Whether you believe a great spiritual being engineered all this, or that it was a simple collision and explosion of deep-space gasses and general mish-mash that, through a process of evolution alone, came to create a stable life-system on this mud-ball, you have to look at it and ask yourself "If this isnt the way its supposed to be, why is this the way the system works?".
I dont worship killing, infact I dont particularly like it at all. I am not opposed to it however, because I believe, deeply, that it is one of those things that has to be done. Not always, not just anytime, and not on a whim or for enjoyment - but the need to kill exists, as a basic need, and I am not particularly emotional about that.
It is very intense to take a life - on a spiritual level - but I also can also kill if needed, go to sleep that night and get a very good nights sleep. I dont have nightmares, I am not psychologically tortured, I am at worst regretful that a life had to end brutally, and in many cases (such as killing to eat, or killing to relieve suffering) I feel glad it was as quick as possible, if not thankful for the sacrifice.
Killing to protect my own life, killing a man, is something I am thankful to say I have never had to do - but my feelings on having to do it are much the same. If you (generalized you) try to kill me, I will do my damndest to kill you first. If I succeed, then it was just something that had to be done, a regretful and violent thing to be sure, but none-the-less, it had to be done. I will go to sleep that night, I will dream of other things, I will wake up rested, eat my breakfast and go on my way, living, and hope I never have to do it again.
I dont like killing, I do not find or seek respect in killing (any damned fool can kill), but I do not hate it, or find myself sickened by it - as long as it is not needless or cruel.
Cruelty, needless brutality, bother me very much... but those are different issues. Another day.

Capable... what every human being should be, and too many arent..

I was researching large blade combatives/machete fighting and came across the following article: http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=25&backPID=27&tt_news=48
Dismissing (if you wish) the Christian theme of the websight, there are some very important examples and lessons in there for everyone. If more children were raised in that kind of environment, with that kind of instruction and teaching, the world would be a better, safer place.
I look at the lessons there seperate from the overall Christian theme because I am not a Christian and I find no particular strength in looking at the article through that filter... and because many folks are like me, I suggest the same. Beyond theology (an issue upon which people are all togather too hung up at times) this is a very important piece.
I congratulate this womans parents for their way of raising their children and teaching them to be capable people, broadening their horizons and giving them not just the teaching but the experiance, and the trust, to learn to handle themselves, in all ways. It is truly admirable, and far far too rare.

Three years...

It doesnt feel like its been three years. Its all gone so fast, so much has happened, personally, nationally, globally.

This Day....
How soon have you forgotten?
Forgot how we wept,
As they came to their end and slept…
Have you ignored, like the stench so rotten?

You choose not to waive the flag,
Because that’s not right anymore,
We don’t remember what it was for,
You chain smoke and you bitch, between drags

You say Its just those right wing crazies,
Who are patriotic these days,
Just to mask their wars in so many ways,
To hide the dead children and burning daisies

You lie through your teeth,
But you swill at the trough,
And when asked to leave you scoff,
You lie, you see, so you can seethe

And you forgot how we bled,
This day past,
And all the rest, the blood not the last,
You forgot and you morality fled.

Go away from us in peace,
We’d ask not your counsels,
For what good are you scoundrels?
Damning yourselves to the fleece.

I remember and I mourn,
Not to make war,
Nor excuses for,
And I wear with pride the fools scorn.

Forgotten this day,
And ever the follow,
Forgotten gallow,
But not by all, not this day.

Falling
Slowly wheeling, down, down, falling,
More charred remains, more haunted calling...
Lives in their own hands... and falling.
Lovers locked in final embrace... leaping, into the cold high air,
Down, down, and through the licking flames glare.
When did they die?
Or more importantly, Why?
What angry gods of wrath and destruction did it appease, this blood sacrifice?
Why must men, fall for mice?
Its all falling... falling... Its all falling now.
Someone knows... but the rest of us... the rest of us are all left asking, How?
Ashes... falling, and twirling, and dancing on the wind,
Bones and flesh and bodies, falling... but who among them sinned?
Wipe at your dampening eyes, and bow your heads in shame and sorrow,
And look whats been done... what has been ruined for the children of the morrow.
Falling... falling... arms stretched out... falling...
Looking heavenward, and crying with silent lips... for reason within madness, and for one more slip of mortality...calling

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9/11/01 - Never Forget.

Pointless expression

Sometimes people waste their time, thinking they are somehow "making a difference".
Case in point, the page of a fellow blogger http://fight-rape.blogspot.com/ which does appear somewhat neglected, if not abandoned completely, but still has enough *ahem* "content" to get a feel for.
What content you ask? Just links to news articles about violence, mostly against women, and a related mini-rant or one liner bitch about how awful it is, how the punishment meted out isnt strong enough and how the police/government/dubya arent doing enough to stop this kind of thing.
On the surface I agree with her about some of it, the things human beings do to each other are awful, and the punishments they get for it are often enough not even close to what they deserve.
But she misses two very important things with her attempt at "fighting rape", or even propogandizing against rape/senseless violence.
First of all linking to news articles and complaining about what they have to say is not proactive. It does nothing to educate and inform the reader beyond what their morning AIM pop-up or their half-hour wake-up with CNN has already done. Angry, un-focused, opinion they can get on their own from these pieces.
Now taking the information in the articles, offering commentary and some thoughtful, well directed, ideas and suggestions on A: avoiding/preventing the incident in the first place and/or B: how to deal with the aftermath, would be much better. Providing links to resources who offer or sponsor self defense classes for women, awareness training, related books and websites, would be an even better use of the blog-space, and of the writers effort, and actually might make a difference.
Inviting public commentary, through use of the comments field, and engaging in thoughtful, realistic, exchange on the issues at hand, would again be even better.

The other thing she does wrong is she looks to others to solve the problems she "writes" about, links to and fusses over. She throws accusations at law enforcement, the media, and the general powers that be, demanding that they do something to fix the problem.
She forgets that it is not "their problem" in the first place. The police, the medics, the court systems, are not there to prevent it from happening, they are there to clean up the aftermath and punish those responsible, if they are caught. Supposedly the punishment serves as a deterrent against the crime, but it should be obvious to any rational thoughtful mind that it doesnt work that way.
We, each and every one of us, are individually responsible for our own well being. It is our job to make sure we get up on time, feed ourselves breakfast, get to work or school on time, do the work asked of us to earn our paychecks, buy our groceries, avoid getting in car accidents on the way home, and yes, to keep ourselves safe in a very unsafe world.
Pointing fingers, demanding someone else fix our problems, is rejection of everything mankind has ever been, and the essential quality that has brought us so far (not that this point in civilization should be considered a pinnacle, far from it) - Self Reliance. It is also rejecting one of the key components of reality, we are, personally and individually, responsible for ourselves. Everything about ourselves, from our cleanliness to our personal safety.
We are free human beings - we think, we use tools, we create, and yes we destroy, but we have done it on our own for thousands upon thousands of years. It is only in this modern society that we are taught to look to others, to our supposed "betters" in the "powers that be", for our own care, feeding and protection.
Unfortunately despite how taught we are to do this, and how many people (like my fellow blogger in question) actually do this, it still doesnt work like that. The powers that be will exploit that when they can, and ignore it when it is not in their benefit to pay attention to the needs and demands of the people. We have pushed them to the heights they are at, separated them from, and declared they are better than, the citizenry, and have put our well being in their hands. It is the mistake that will ruin this republic. It is the mistake that lets women and girls all over the country be raped and killed.
And still we have people writing like the "fight-rape" blogger does... Pointlessly, without a single realistic thought about the problem, or solutions to the problem.
You can yell, scream, point at the awfulness in the world and bitch with the underlying theme of "Why wont someone else do something about this!" or you can actually make a difference. She is not making a difference.

In direct opposition to the previous "case study" we have the following blog; http://survivalskills.blogs.com/
In this case we have someone who is making the writing effort to actually educate and empower people to better their lives, and yes, to make it through hard situations alive/in good health. It is a positive effort, supplying true knowledge and suggestions, outside resources, and allowing for interaction with the people reading it.
It is actually trying to make a difference, in a fashion that actually could.
Bravo.

And yes, I plan on making a difference to, with this very entry. I have a solution for the problem of rape. A solution that if fully embraced and taken on by the world (or at least the country), would make rape a problem primarily of the past.
If every would-be rapist got a .38 slug in the brain, a pencil in the throat or a knife in the heart before he/she could complete his/her attempt at rape, within a year rape would become a very uncommon problem.
You want to be safe from rape? Buy a gun, buy a knife, learn to use them and make the commitment to never be anywhere without them, to never be in a position to be taken advantage of and overpowered.
If you cant make that commitment to your own safety, and especially to your own childrens safety, than you are not serious about safety.
You wear your seatbelt, your buy a car with airbags, you lock your doors at night, you dont pet strange dogs or play with snakes, and take measures to keep them out of your yard - so why dont you make the same efforts, and take the same precautions against the human animal, the human threat?
No amount of feel-good law making, positive thinking, smiling, or humming happy mantra's will ever change the fact that the world is a hard, cold, discomforting and uncomfortable place. It always has been and it always will be, modern convenience is not a barrier to the harshness that has always characterized life, and survival, on this rock, it is simply a mask over it.

But, its your choice as to how you live your life. You can be fat dumb and happy, until something very very bad happens to you. Or you can be prepared, aware and happy, while you successfully avoid or handle anything bad that tries to happen to you.
But you cant have it both ways - and in the end the responsibility is Your Own, no one elses.

911 = Government Sponsored Dial A Prayer. :)

Curriculum Mortis

Per a recent conversation with a friend, in which I mentioned staking someones feet to the ground and then repeatedly running over them with a bus, two wonderful things.
Wonderful thing Numero Uno - I jokingly suggested adding that idea to my CV - "Created concept of implanting hardware for feet to ground interface and repeatedly merging physical outsourcing of urban mass transit systems with local human resources of negative productivity"
Wonderful Thing Numero Dos - Upon hearing that he, heartily concurring I should put that down, decided CV was innapropriate.
Thus, this has now been added to my CM - Curriculum Mortis