Comfort Zone

I avoid the personal here - I did the blog about my emotional highs and lows, ups and downs in my life, for a long time and in the end was unhappy and disgusted with it. It was an exercise in wallowing in my bad moods and depressions.
Unfortunately, tonight, I'm not so high minded.
The world is fucked up - its probably beyond repair but theres a lot of sorry fucking fuckers who could make it somewhat better who refuse to do a fucking thing, leaving everything even more fucked up. No amount of my writing about it, certainly not tonight, will make that any different.

Tonight my wants are simple - I want to be myself, and I want to spend tonight with one person who I can be openly and honestly myself around.
I am tired of walking on eggshells, I am tired of having to support the tender feelings of people around me, I am tired of being both intentionally and unintentionally party to their lies and secrets.
The hell with the world, the hell with the future. I would give it all up tonight, every single thing, to have one person to be with who I dont have to walk on eggshells around, who I can connect with on a real level free of bullshit. I would lay it all down, and walk away, to have her.
And the more I want that, the farther away from it I get.